Take Both

by Rubie

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1.
I require a nuanced understanding of the ways that our wave functions overlap whether we’re near or far in some way we are mixed together whether we like it or not To adopt the space and regulate The gaps between the poles That have been here divided into four! A polychotomy To make sense of A soup Wearing a legitimate nonbinary person uniform! I’m so pleased to be with you tonight!
2.
The Need 04:15
Please no promises! Judging from the last few years I’ve learned Her little preferences Must be ignored In the name of honesty She said to me: “You’d tell me if you felt the need... Wouldn’t you?” “I love you...” Trust me I’ve done the research How many windows must I have navigated?! Transition And when she says “You don’t have to explain Yourself to me”, that’s why Oh she says “I’ve been here before!” You convince yourself nothing will change, but it’s in the name! Transition And it puts me off Mentioning again Despite her assurances “You’d tell me if you felt the need Wouldn’t you?” “Do you feel the need to medicate? I love you as you are.” Could you love me as I’m not?
3.
Counting the silence Open my mouth to say so I can’t breathe here the air is thick and slow moving I’m open to comment I’ll show you my product But I can’t talk about the recent past much It’s communication I think that I’ll explain it It’s the way I fold my clothes The way her voice repeating The way that I’m constructed Decipher this, baby! Put your finger on it Turn me round and call me I wish that you could be me See if you hear it The process goes as follows: Watch how I practice moving The way I think of moving The way my words are moving The way I’m done with drinking And the way I learn by touching The way I’m not so trusting It’s the way I fold my clothes The way her voice repeating The way that I’m constructed It’s all connected, decipher this.
4.
Anatomy 03:27
Who are these brave souls Who stand there in their livery? If I give you this anatomy Will you feel at home? I give you this hair I give you these eyes I give you this nose I give you this mouth I give you this neck I give you these shoulders I give you these elbows I give you these wrists I give you this chest I give you these nipples I give you this belly I give you this back I give you these hips I give you this penis I give you these testes I give you this anus I give you these thighs I give you these knees I give you these shins I give you these feet I give you these hands
5.
Nails 03:32
6.
Take Both 02:37
I was taken to overcome my programming and take both
7.
Here they come blowing their horn again Porus as anything Where does she Where does she know them from She’s seen their photography An overshoot The buttons are minescule So expect inaccuracy Hey you seem Pretty damn confident Are you gonna show me round So virtually They give her the room by room Of some future getaway She’s a star She glides so parisian And they are a follower Asking how How does she find the time To make them a waste of it A photograph Roses atop the frame Scattered romantically Hold my drink While I take a measurement The dark makes her radiant She’s a star She glides so parisian And they are a follower Asking how How does she find the time To make them a waste of it
8.
With three boys You beat the odds at one in eight And I can hear you saying You would have loved a daughter... Oh was I held as your daughter would be held? Did I cry as your daughter would have cried? You wanted a daughter I would be your daughter plait my hair You wanted a daughter I’ll be your daughter plait my hair... With one love! You beat the odds at god knows what And I know it’s hard He’s not that empathetic He has a heart But struggles to access it, express it And he expects emotional labour from you And it’s not fair We’re all capable But boys don’t learn Did you teach me? Oh was I held as your daughter would be held? Did I cry as your daughter would have cried? You wanted a daughter I would be your daughter plait my hair And he expects emotional labour from you And it’s not fair We’re all capable But boys don’t learn Did you teach me?
9.
Whole 06:03
I know You’re not whole You’ve been crushed Your blood Chemistry Has been fucked Babe Can you come Are you free? To wait with me You’re so kind Holding A space In your mind Gave You my coat As you smoked Being Your rock When I can Being Your man When I can We kissed At your desk To keep warm And love Coiled up In our throats But I know You’re not whole You’ve been crushed Your blood Chemistry Has been fucked
10.
Sailors 04:45
You sailed until you found an island To live on And I am in your waters You watch for me Telescoping from your shores I am sailing haphazardly For an island of my own And she quells storms To the best of her abilities And worries on the rain that she lets through Has dreams of filling up my sailboats and sending me under But at least I could stay here if so When prevailing winds In the evenings guide my drifting I wonder where the edges of her territory are And if other islands start appearing as horizon specks And I feel like I’m nearing the edge I’ll cut my losses and jump --- Oh baby If I couldn’t be Your man anymore How would you feel about me Being your girl?

about

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released March 13, 2020

all songs written & produced by Rubie Green © 2019
vocals, guitar, piano, bass guitar, programming by Rubie
drums on 1, 2, 4, 5 & 7 by Kit Denison, recorded at Total Refreshment Centre by Kristian Craig Robinson
additional vocals on 4 & 9 by Dominik Ridler, Emma Tanner, Esther Dillner & Henry Mills
track 1 samples “Ja Ja Ja Nee Nee Nee”, 1968 performance by Joseph Beuys
mastered by Peter Fletcher
photography by Anastasia Alexseeva
special thanks Kit, Henry, Anastasia, Asher, Jenny, Mum & Dad xx

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